


Almost Lost

by hybridempress



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Breaking Up & Making Up, Getting Back Together, Implied Sexual Content, Inspired by Roleplay/Roleplay Adaptation, M/M, One Night Stands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-11
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-07-22 23:37:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7458115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hybridempress/pseuds/hybridempress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the aftermath of his breakup with Antonio, Francis finds himself unable to fall asleep for the 25th night in a row. In a fit of desperation he decides to call Antonio in an effort to find some sort of closure, only to find out that Antonio has already been sleeping with someone else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Almost Lost

**Author's Note:**

  * For [corazon-espanol](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=corazon-espanol).



Francis had never known a silence that was quite this deafening. The line between reality and his half-conscious daydreams, which couldn’t even be considered daydreams at all at this time of night, was blurred well beyond distinction. Once again he couldn’t tell if the horrid state of his life was a nightmare or if it was something that had really happened. Insomnia terrorized him for the twenty-fifth night in a row as he tried to tell the difference between his memories and his dreams. 

Two years. He and Antonio had been together for two years. They had been friends for even longer. Now they hadn’t spoken to each other in more than three weeks. Francis still couldn’t believe what had happened. 

God, Francis had said so many things that he didn’t mean. There were a thousand things Francis had said to Antonio that he wouldn’t have meant in a thousand years. He remembered all of them so vividly, and they plagued his mind whenever he found himself alone and undistracted. He came to dread the sunset just because he knew that when nightfall came he would be alone with his thoughts. 

Tonight, however, a new thought entered Francis’ mind. It was a strange, sudden and intense urge to do something absolutely ludicrous. Suddenly every voice in Francis’ head was urging him to call Antonio. Not to try and get him back, not to try and set things right, but just to apologize for everything that he had said and didn’t mean and to tell Antonio how he really felt. Antonio deserved that much, Francis thought. 

His hands shook as he reached over to the nightstand that was by his bed and grabbed his cell phone off of it. This was crazy. It was insane. But what did that matter? Francis had nothing to lose by calling Antonio. Everything was already gone. 

Antonio was probably sleeping, so there was no way he would answer. He probably wouldn’t even listen to the voicemail that Francis was going to send him. But so what? At least Francis could say that he tried. At least he could have some sense of closure. 

He had not yet deleted Antonio’s number from his contacts, so it was easy to find him again and call him. Francis held the phone to his ear, with his hands still shaking. He started to cry again as he waited for the phone to stop ringing so that he could record his message. 

Despite the fact that it was almost one in the morning, Antonio wasn’t sleeping either, though. Nevertheless, he had been terribly startled when he heard his phone vibrating on the table beside him. He nearly fell out of bed trying to reach for the phone so that he could grab it and answer it before it woke up the man who was sleeping beside him.

He was about to decline the call and put his phone away, but he hesitated when he saw Francis’ name flash on the screen. His eyes widened. He could have sworn that he felt his heart skip a beat. 

Antonio was torn between declining the call and answering it. What on Earth could Francis want with him, especially at this hour? Had he called Antonio by mistake? Was he in trouble? Had he called just to yell at Antonio some more, even though they hadn’t seen each other in three weeks? What was going on? 

It was a split-second decision, but in the last few rings before the phone went quiet, Antonio decided to answer the call. With a shaky breath, Antonio turned onto his back and pressed the phone to his ear. He squeezed his eyes shut.

“Why are you calling me?” 

Francis’ breath caught in his throat. He hadn’t been expecting Antonio to answer. It was late. He had only wanted to leave a voicemail; something that Antonio probably wouldn't even listen to and that he would delete as soon as he saw it, just so that he could speak his mind and try to heal.

But now that he had heard Antonio’s voice, Francis didn’t know what to do. All of the words that he had wanted to say left him, and his mind felt empty. And yet, his heart was filled to the brim with a hundred different emotions.

There was this distinct, nagging feeling of hope inside of him. Why would Antonio have answered the phone if he didn't want to talk to Francis? If Antonio had answered the phone, then that meant he wanted to hear what Francis had to say. Maybe there was a chance that if he told Antonio how he felt that he and Antonio could get back together.

However, there was also a deep sense of dread that seemed to be tearing apart his insides. What if Antonio only wanted to hear what Francis had to say so that he could mock Francis? What if he wanted to yell at Francis? What if talking to Antonio made everything worse than it had been before?

But now that Francis had Antonio on the phone, he couldn't bring himself to hang up. He had to speak, he had to say something, but Francis just didn't know how to start. His mind was still blank.

“I…- I needed to talk to you,” he croaked out eventually. It was the only thing that he could come up with. 

Antonio could hear the pain in Francis’ voice, and it killed him. He knew that Francis had been crying. Part of him wished that he was already by Francis’ side, comforting him and telling him that everything would be okay, but the other part still had no idea why Francis was calling him at all. 

“Why me, Francis? What’s there to talk about?” he asked breathlessly. 

“I couldn’t stand the silence, Tonio. I can’t tell what’s real and what’s fake anymore. I had to call you, I had to try,” Francis said, a hint of desperation in his voice. 

Antonio sighed, rubbing his temples with his thumb and middle finger before dragging his hand down his face. “Go to sleep, Francis. You’re drunk or delusional or something. Just get some rest,” he said.

Now it was Francis’ turn to squeeze his eyes shut. He covered his eyes with the back of his arm. “I can’t sleep. It’s too cold. I miss you sleeping next to me,” he whispered. 

Antonio choked on air. “What? No, don’t say that, Francis. It isn’t fair, you can’t say something like that!” he said, trying hard to keep his voice quiet.

“Why can’t I, Antonio? What does it matter to you how I feel, anyways? I said things that I regretted three weeks ago and now I’m paying the price for it. The least I can do is apologize and tell you I wish I could take it all back, and that I wish you were still here with me,” Francis said. He had started to cry again.

“You can’t say that, Francis, Goddammit- You can’t say that. We broke up. It’s over. I thought you didn’t love me anymore,” Antonio hissed. 

He was getting angry now. How dare Francis call him in the middle of the night like this, claiming to be on the brink of insanity from missing him so badly. Francis had been the one who suggested breaking up in the first place. What gave him the right to play the part of the victim? What gave him the right to try and get Antonio back? 

“I never stopped loving you. Not for one second,” Francis admitted. 

Antonio narrowed his eyes at the ceiling. “What do you mean you never stopped? You were the one who-” 

Antonio stopped talking when he felt his partner shift and groan beside him. “Antonio, what’s going on…? I am trying to sleep here, who are you on the phone with so late at night…?” the man, Roderich, mumbled tiredly 

Antonio swore internally. His heart started beating faster. He felt like he was going to throw up.

What was he doing…? What was he doing here, with this man he’d met at a bar earlier that night, whom he thought would somehow ease or even eliminate the pain of his breakup? What was he doing on the phone with Francis, in this dingy motel where he and Roderich had decided to sleep together that night? Why was he trying to deny that he wasn’t going to do everything in his power to make things right between him and Francis after tonight? What was he going to do about Roderich? 

“It’s nothing, Rod, go back to sleep. It’s just work. I’ll be done in a second,” Antonio dismissed quickly. 

He felt bad for lying to Roderich, but what else was he supposed to say? _Sorry, my ex, who I am still in love with, decided to call me and tell me he wants to get back together and I’m seriously considering it right now_? Not a chance. Not right now, anyways. 

But Francis had gotten the wrong idea. He gasped when he heard Antonio addressing someone else. Someone named Rod, or maybe that was a nickname… But it wasn’t anyone that Francis knew. Antonio had said that the call was “work”, too. He almost threw up as the realization that Antonio was with someone else dawned on him.

“Oh. You’re with someone else.” He didn’t know what else to say.

Antonio panicked, sitting bolt-upright in bed. “No, Francis, I’m not I just-”

“I hope I didn’t ruin your night. I’m so sorry.”

Francis hung up the phone quickly. His breath caught in his throat for a moment before a flood of tears came pouring out of his eyes. He held his phone close to his chest and wept helplessly, shattering the silence with his sobs. 

Antonio didn’t have a chance to say anything else before the line went dead. He threw his cell phone down on the bed in anger, grit his teeth, and began pulling on his hair. “Fuck!”

Now Roderich was more worried than annoyed. He turned onto his back, rubbing his eyes, and looked up at Antonio. “Antonio, what’s the matter…? What’s going on…?” he asked.

Antonio felt a sea of guilt consume him, drowning him. His throat was burning as though he were suffocating. Far too long had passed before he remembered how to breathe.

This was a mistake, all of it. How had he let himself become such a fool, to think that he could have derived any sense of pleasure or happiness from the man who lay beside him? The only reason he hadn’t stopped in the middle was because if he closed his eyes for long enough he could pretend that it was Francis who had been underneath him. But how was it fair for Antonio to leave Roderich like this before the sun had even risen just because he maybe had a chance to have Francis in his arms again?

Antonio was a fool. A jackass. Heartless. Insensitive. But he would always put Francis first. There would never be a question about that.

“I have to go, Rod,” he said, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and standing up.

Roderich furrowed his brows and propped himself up on his elbow, staring at Antonio, confused and slightly angered. “What do you mean you have to go?” he asked, sounding vaguely offended.

“I have to go, Roderich, I’m sorry. Something came up,” Antonio said, grabbing his pants off of the floor and pulling them on quickly.

Roderich sat up fully at this point. “You can’t just up and leave in the middle of the night like this- It’s so crass! It’s absurd!” he exclaimed.

Antonio turned around to look at Roderich, zipping his pants up. “I’m sorry, okay?? I know I’m a jackass but I’ve got to go!” he shouted, frustrated.

“At least give me an explanation, or something!” Roderich demanded.

Antonio dragged a hand down his face again. “You want an explanation? Fine. I broke up with the love of my life three weeks ago and it was the worst mistake I ever made. He just called me, crying, telling me that he can’t sleep because I’m not there beside him. If there’s a chance that I can have him back, I’m not letting him go. I’m sorry,” he said.

Roderich was at a loss for words. He hadn’t been expecting this to be the best night of his life or anything, but this was certainly a chain of events that was both unfortunate and unforeseen. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to feel.

On the one hand he felt angry. He was offended and almost enraged that he was evidently nothing more than a distraction to a man who was still living in the aftermath of a serious breakup. How could anyone be so tactless, using someone else to try and take their mind off of their own troubles without any regard for that person’s feelings?

But on the other hand he felt pity for Antonio. Antonio was miserable, obviously, and things between him and Roderich would never have worked out regardless of whether Antonio’s ex had called him tonight or not. Roderich wasn’t going to try and stop Antonio. He would move on from Antonio in a day or two, but Antonio wouldn't be moving on from his ex any time soon. That much was clear.

Roderich pressed his lips into a thin line and continued to stare at Antonio, almost glaring at him, for several seconds. “Fine,” he said eventually. “Then you better leave now. Don’t keep him waiting any longer than you have to.”

Antonio was shocked that Roderich seemed to be taking his explanation so well. He had expected a slap in the face, something to be thrown at him, obscenities, some kind of show of anger from this man who had seemed almost furious only minutes earlier. But he was not about to argue with what Roderich had said.

“Right. I’m sorry. I hope life treats you better than I did. If we meet again I hope it will be under nicer circumstances,” Antonio said.

“I honestly hope that we never meet again. It would be far too awkward. But if it happens by chance, then yes, I hope it will be under better circumstances. I hope you can work things out with your ex,” Roderich said.

Antonio couldn’t help but give Roderich a small smile. He grabbed his shirt off of the floor and pulled it on quickly before grabbing his phone off of the bed. He waved a short goodbye to Roderich before stuffing his phone in his pocket and dashing out the door.

It was nearly 2:00 AM at this point. Antonio was tired, and anxious, and driving almost 30 miles over the speed limit. He prayed to God that he wouldn't run into any cops. The last thing he needed tonight was to be pulled over. Every second that he was away from Francis was a second closer to the damage between them being irreparable.

It was around 2:30 when Antonio finally pulled into Francis’ driveway. His key to Francis’ house was still attached to his keychain. They hadn't gone through the process of returning boxes of each other’s things to one another yet, so Antonio hadn’t yet gotten rid of it, and he was thankful for that now more than ever before.

His hands were shaking as he jammed the key into the lock on Francis’ front door and twisted it. As soon as he had heard the click of the lock he turned the doorknob, pushing the door open so quickly that it didn't make a sound. He pulled his key out of the lock and stuffed his keychain back into his pocket before shutting the door and dashing to Francis’ bedroom in the dark.

He could hear Francis crying before he had even opened the door. His stomach churned and his heart ached. How could he have been stupid enough to let Francis go without a fight? How could he have thought that Francis really didn’t love him after all this time?

He opened the door and stepped into the room hurriedly. Moonlight was streaming into the room through the slivers of space between the blinds on the bedroom window, but despite that it was still dark in the room. Francis gasped loudly when he heard the door open. Obviously he had not been expecting a visitor in the night, much less Antonio. 

“Wh-who’s there, what do you want-!?”

Antonio reached across the wall and flipped the light switch on to turn the lights on in the bedroom. Francis flinched at the sudden brightness in the room and squinted his eyes to shield them from the light. It took a few moments for his eyes to adjust, and when they did, all he could do was gape at Antonio.

“T-Tonio…? What are you doing here? I thought…-”

Antonio walked to Francis’ bed quickly. He sat down next to Francis and shut him up with a tight hug and a hard kiss. Francis squeaked in shock, his eyes widening even more. He didn’t kiss back, but he didn’t pull away, either.

“I’m sorry, Francis, I’m sorry,” Antonio whispered, not pulling his lips away from Francis’. “I was with someone else but I haven’t moved on from you. I was only with him because I thought he would distract me from you, but I was wrong. Every time I looked at him I wished it was you. I had to come back and see you tonight. I couldn’t let you think that I didn’t love you, if you really hadn’t stopped loving me.” 

Francis’ lips started to tremble. “I don’t understand, Antonio… If we still care for each other… If we’ve both been miserable all this time… Why did we separate in the first place?” he asked.

“I thought you didn’t love me anymore, Francis. How was I supposed to stay with you if I thought I made you miserable? How was I supposed to plead for us to stay together?” Antonio asked.

“But I never said I didn’t love you! I thought when you left it was because you didn’t love _me!_ ” Francis said. 

“Francis, you told me I was oblivious. You told me I was insensitive and that I didn’t seem to care about or notice anything unless it was right in my face. You told me you were sick of having to hold my hand through everything. You told me you wanted me to leave. What was I supposed to think?” Antonio asked. 

Francis had started crying softly again. It was silent for the most part, but Antonio could feel Francis’ tears against his own cheeks, and he could hear Francis’ soft sniffles. “I didn’t mean it, Tonio, I didn’t want you to go. I thought you would have told me that this was stupid and that we could work it out. I was waiting for you to say something, I… When you left it just felt like you were giving up on me. I thought I’d pushed you too far and that I’d lost you. But I can’t… I can’t stand being here without you anymore!” 

Antonio cupped Francis’ face in his hands and wiped Francis’ tears away with his thumbs. He pressed a tender kiss to Francis’ face before pulling Francis into another hug, and resting his chin on top of Francis’ head. “I’m sorry, Francis. You’re right, I should have stayed, I shouldn’t have let that argument end like that. We were still yelling at each other, we were still furious. I should have known we just needed to cool down and work things out. I’m sorry I left,” he said, stroking Francis’ hair gently. 

Francis buried his face deep into Antonio’s chest and held him close. “It’s not all your fault. I shouldn’t have told you to go. I shouldn’t have said such awful things to you. I shouldn’t have expected you to stay when I was treating you so poorly,” he whispered. 

“Hey, I said my share of horrible things to you, too. We both said a lot of terrible things that we didn’t mean. Don’t beat yourself up over it, please,” Antonio said.

“But I almost lost you… I almost pushed you away…” Francis murmured.

“But you have me back now, Francis. And if you hadn’t called me tonight then I know I would have tried to make things right with you later on. I wasn’t doing any better than you were. I missed you too. I need you too,” Antonio said. 

“Please don’t leave again. Even if I tell you to go, don’t leave. I don’t want to lose you again,” Francis whispered.

Antonio kissed the top of Francis’ head lovingly. “I won’t leave you again, Francis. I promise, I’ll always be here,” he assured. 

Antonio laid Francis back down on the bed. He kissed Francis’ forehead warmly before getting up to turn off the light again. He stripped himself of his shirt and his pants before getting into bed with Francis again, knowing that it would be much more comfortable to sleep just in his boxers. 

Francis curled up to Antonio as soon as he felt Antonio in the bed again. Antonio laid down and wrapped his arms around Francis, holding him as close as possible. Once again he rested his chin on top of Francis’ head. He cupped the back of Francis head with one hand, pressing it to his chest, and kept his other arm wrapped tightly around Francis’ waist. Francis braced both hands against Antonio’s bare chest and rested his head against it, as well. 

“I love you, Francis,” Antonio whispered.

“I love you too, Tonio,” Francis whispered back.

Francis closed his eyes and listened to the rhythmic beating of Antonio’s heart. Antonio closed his eyes and took in the scent of Francis’ hair and his strawberry shampoo. For the first time in three weeks, they fell asleep together, soothed by these familiar surroundings.

**Author's Note:**

> Fic for day 1 of tumblr's aph France Week 2016. I've been really into Frain lately so you can expect a lot of that from me lately I think. This idea came to me after I had vivid memories of a roleplay that I had done about a year ago, back when I still ran a francis rp account on deviantART. I haven't had contact with my RP partner for quite some time but I might try to track them down after writing this, just to tell them that our rp had been so good that I remembered it a year later and had to write a fic about it. Originally the person Antonio ended up sleeping with was supposed to be Lovino but I decided to change that due to my own personal preferences. I know the roleplay was originally based off of a song but for the life of me I can't remember what it was. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing. Happy aph france week <3


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